Editor-at-large and renowned bon vivant Derek Blasberg is here to save you from two different, yet equally grim, fates—sending trite invitations and greetings, or worse: not sending them at all. Take a tip from Mr. Blasberg and send a witty card that’s not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking. The author of etiquette guides Classy and Very Classy has a way of keeping good manners in style.

You’re not hosting a cotillon this year (so last century), so pick an invitation that’s perfect for all tomorrow’s parties. Find invitations for your next dinner party, whether you’re serving champagne and hot wings or caviar and boxed wine. If you’re celebrating a friend who’s settling down a bit too early for your taste, send off your wingwoman with bridal shower or bachelorette party that celebrates her last wild year.

When it’s time to celebrate your birthday again, act your age (yes, the one on your driver’s license) with an online invitation that’s both clever and smart. Our online RSVP tracker lets your guests mark their attendance without any hand-holding, and the messaging tools save you a flurry of last-minute texts should you happen to get kicked out of the VIP lounge. After you’ve had a recuperative Bloody Mary or two the morning after, post your party snaps in an online gallery to share your warm-and-really-fuzzy memories with your crew.

If there’s a holiday on the calendar, but no party to throw (boo), Mr. Blasberg’s sharply sweet cards let you show how much you care with no cloying aftertaste. Schedule a Father’s or Mother’s Day card in advance to save yourself a guilt trip by phone from Daddy or Mommie Dearest. Soften the blow on your friend’s birthday with a card that welcomes them to old age. (You may need to send an apology card after that one, though.) Or, send a spontaneous just-because card to your favorite partner in crime. With a few choice ghostwritten words from Derek Blasberg, your sentiments will be as effervescent as your favorite celebratory tipple.

Learn more about Derek Blasberg.